Are You Ready to Fall in Love?

 

Are You Ready to Fall in Love?

by Fonya Lord Helm, PhD, ABPP

Both people have to be ready for a romantic passionate relationship. And their readiness is not necessarily conscious. Some people say they are ready because they feel ready consciously, but they have unconscious blocks and fears that hold them back. If they don’t meet anyone, in spite of feeling ready, unconscious fears and blocks are possible. They may be communicating something fearful or negative without realizing it. 80 to 90 per cent of what we communicate is outside our conscious awareness anyway, according to the neurological research. The opposite situation also exists. People can feel shy and uncomfortable consciously, yet they are ready unconsciously. Often they are very surprised when they fall in love. Many psychoanalysts have noticed that before people fall in love, they have a feeling that something is missing is their lives and even feel dissatisfied with themselves. Mourning over the loss of a person or a disappointment in the self, if it is not too severe, is conducive to falling in love. It’s also important not to be too involved with a former boyfriend or girlfriend—or with their parents–either in a positive or a negative way. Parts of this summary are based on the work of Martin Bergmann.